I Cry by Tupac Amaru Shakur
Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confide in,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.
A response to Tupac's poem "I Cry"
The tears that have fallen, still is stained with your existence Amaru Shakur.
I cry because of your past tears
I cry, since there is no one who will
There is no belief that a truth shall pass
I cry because its the same shit
It never ends
My roots have fallen, only gaining a sense of loss
Loss of success, Loss of intellect, Loss of care, Loss of love, Loss of respect, Loss of remorse…
And around the corner loss of DIGNITY!
Why, why, why! I ask myself over and over again..
I drive past, fast not wanting to understand. yet its something that can't be misunderstood
I cry, because no one cares man…
Oh no, its not that they aren't aware, oh no that is not it at all…
They know, they know better than we do
It is wanted this way… The grime, sloth, hostility, savage lifestyle
It is laughed at, a motherfucking joke
Excuse my french, no fuck that excuse my feelings.
I have to go home to this bullshit
God forgive me, I try not to cuss, but my home is forever cursed
Don't confuse my home as an address or a street of some kind
No my home is my hood.
And I refuse to keep it quiet, I refuse to be ashamed of my past, I refuse to change me, only to fit in with them
Yea simple right, probably cliche you all will say, just another black girl who discusses about her hood.
AH what a surprise. Yeah right
See this is why I cry
I cry because I don't belong there, sometimes here either..
I'm not accepted at my physical home or by many physical individuals, because I decided to leave the block, I decided to learn about the perspectives outside of my home
And not only being able to communicate, but also connect with those "outsiders", some whom are dearest to my heart.
Trust me, I haven't forgotten about any of my undocumented history or those particular significant others
No, never..
I cry because of it
I cry because I know of it
I lived it
I saw it
I fought it
I refused to cry and stay there with an enslaved mentality
No that's not me, it's not who I am…
But you know what, I am fighting for it, while I have ventured my way to this new world
It's cool, don't trip about my past and those left in it
I only cry for the truth, I cry for reason, I cry for purpose, yea I even cry for the ignorant
I cry for you, come cry with me too..
Written By Crystal Ferguson
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Our Duologue
I love you…
No you don't
I don't?
Yes you don't, see you just said it.
No, yes I do
You can't though, No one is allowed to love me, because there never has been anyone that has truly done so
No, yes I do
I have been alone my whole life, so love is a word that I not know of.
No, yes I do
Look, you will not love me. Watch I will prove it by what I know love is, and I will distribute it to you.
Yes, but I act upon my love.
I know this, even though we argue, fuss, and fight, I see it.
You see, but don't accept it for what it is.
…
You can't tell me what I feel, even if it is in reference to you.
I know, I know but it's impossible to love me, in my eyes….
(In my eyes you're perfect with every flaw you retain)..
Never mind that check this out I don't even see me, you get it.
No, yes you do.
Ha, there is no me, I know it.
If you are aware there is no you, then how do you know me.
I just know, alright
Yes, you do
I know
Yes, you are aware of your knowledge but you have no acceptance in increasing what can be flourished most preciously
The darkness of your mind, is hardening your heart..
Elongating your blessings beyond the gift of life you breathe.
I was there once, feeling the exact same way
But, you helped me escape out that hole of nothingness
With help I freed myself, it couldn't be done alone
I now search for you, yet you are still there.
Why do you choose to stay there
There are now two sides
Mine & Yours
My smile, is your frown
My joy, is your sorrow
My success, is your failure
No, that's wrong
…
Your frown while I smile, is my sorrow when I want it as your joy, which puts me in the midst of failure because there is no belief of success that you seek.
See the connection?
Have you ever loved so much that it hurts and there is a lingering pain because that other isn't right.
Have you ever tried to leave it, but can't?
For every time you try, you end up back where you were from the start?
I know you have, I have too, and you know that as well.
YOU SEE, you are a warrior, the most profound I have seen, it's amazing to observe you as you trail your way through life.
You fight, with all that is within you, never showing that you have the will to give up.
But, what do you fight for? Your battles are intensified by a love that you never had.
LOOK, we have that in common, only because of my gender I can show it through vulnerability and dependence, to the eyes outside.
You hide through shackles (as so did I)
You crutch onto what you know is wrong (as so did I)
Same situations, different settings
That's all
Why do you think we click so well
How is it that you felt my pain accordingly, you felt it from the beginning but you chose to react when it became unbearable for you.
Honestly I accept my fate, you choose to avoid it, even though you are right, you do know
It's spiritual torture for me to have to withdraw only because of your fear.
My God, you hide it so well, even processing this onto paper, I still retract and hesitate to jot down ----- no proclaim what I believe is the truth.
Reflecting on expressed thoughts shared, I extract your denial to what has become of my acceptance.
Such as
My will to live not for myself but for others
My act of not knowing my purpose in life
My lack of self-confidence, and self-identity; feasting off of those whom I care nothing about both concrete and abstract (remember that)
I never thought that I would care about an outcast similar to myself, more than myself.
The thought of you alone makes my heart match the beat of yours when you are in the vicinity of my presence
The melody of your blood pumping to make each beat forces the same cells in my body to either slow down or contest the flow of your mind transactions
You believe no one understands, comprehends, feels "you"
But I do
No, yes I really do
Just as you can acknowledge or sense me.
I am conscious of you everyday.
A common sensation follows you, and wears you down daily.
I am aware, more than aware.
However, I am not there to experience it as you go through, but I feel the torment, grief, and throbbing agony that you have hidden since your adoption of adulthood while still an adolescent.
It is believed, for it is truth
The numerous revealings of my desire for the infatuation to intertwine with the inferno of you, ceases to triumph as our maturity proceeds.
The melodrama of disregard, illustrates irritation of frustration, for that confusion and misapprehension causes dissension and alienation.
Agree to disagree
Dismay of light
Abandonment, neglect, regret
You know, you are right. Loving you is impossible because you don't love yourself.
You don't care about you, so why should someone else, why should I?
But I do, difficult not to.
There is a reason for this too, a reason for why you can't rid of me, and why I can't rid of you
Our souls hold onto what we refuse to grasp.
And we will never be able to acquire what is meant to be
Yes
No, yes
No, yes I do
I do
Yes I do really love you.
Will not never do.
But you don't want to.
I accept that, and will let it be, forever true.
No you don't
I don't?
Yes you don't, see you just said it.
No, yes I do
You can't though, No one is allowed to love me, because there never has been anyone that has truly done so
No, yes I do
I have been alone my whole life, so love is a word that I not know of.
No, yes I do
Look, you will not love me. Watch I will prove it by what I know love is, and I will distribute it to you.
Yes, but I act upon my love.
I know this, even though we argue, fuss, and fight, I see it.
You see, but don't accept it for what it is.
…
You can't tell me what I feel, even if it is in reference to you.
I know, I know but it's impossible to love me, in my eyes….
(In my eyes you're perfect with every flaw you retain)..
Never mind that check this out I don't even see me, you get it.
No, yes you do.
Ha, there is no me, I know it.
If you are aware there is no you, then how do you know me.
I just know, alright
Yes, you do
I know
Yes, you are aware of your knowledge but you have no acceptance in increasing what can be flourished most preciously
The darkness of your mind, is hardening your heart..
Elongating your blessings beyond the gift of life you breathe.
I was there once, feeling the exact same way
But, you helped me escape out that hole of nothingness
With help I freed myself, it couldn't be done alone
I now search for you, yet you are still there.
Why do you choose to stay there
There are now two sides
Mine & Yours
My smile, is your frown
My joy, is your sorrow
My success, is your failure
No, that's wrong
…
Your frown while I smile, is my sorrow when I want it as your joy, which puts me in the midst of failure because there is no belief of success that you seek.
See the connection?
Have you ever loved so much that it hurts and there is a lingering pain because that other isn't right.
Have you ever tried to leave it, but can't?
For every time you try, you end up back where you were from the start?
I know you have, I have too, and you know that as well.
YOU SEE, you are a warrior, the most profound I have seen, it's amazing to observe you as you trail your way through life.
You fight, with all that is within you, never showing that you have the will to give up.
But, what do you fight for? Your battles are intensified by a love that you never had.
LOOK, we have that in common, only because of my gender I can show it through vulnerability and dependence, to the eyes outside.
You hide through shackles (as so did I)
You crutch onto what you know is wrong (as so did I)
Same situations, different settings
That's all
Why do you think we click so well
How is it that you felt my pain accordingly, you felt it from the beginning but you chose to react when it became unbearable for you.
Honestly I accept my fate, you choose to avoid it, even though you are right, you do know
It's spiritual torture for me to have to withdraw only because of your fear.
My God, you hide it so well, even processing this onto paper, I still retract and hesitate to jot down ----- no proclaim what I believe is the truth.
Reflecting on expressed thoughts shared, I extract your denial to what has become of my acceptance.
Such as
My will to live not for myself but for others
My act of not knowing my purpose in life
My lack of self-confidence, and self-identity; feasting off of those whom I care nothing about both concrete and abstract (remember that)
I never thought that I would care about an outcast similar to myself, more than myself.
The thought of you alone makes my heart match the beat of yours when you are in the vicinity of my presence
The melody of your blood pumping to make each beat forces the same cells in my body to either slow down or contest the flow of your mind transactions
You believe no one understands, comprehends, feels "you"
But I do
No, yes I really do
Just as you can acknowledge or sense me.
I am conscious of you everyday.
A common sensation follows you, and wears you down daily.
I am aware, more than aware.
However, I am not there to experience it as you go through, but I feel the torment, grief, and throbbing agony that you have hidden since your adoption of adulthood while still an adolescent.
It is believed, for it is truth
The numerous revealings of my desire for the infatuation to intertwine with the inferno of you, ceases to triumph as our maturity proceeds.
The melodrama of disregard, illustrates irritation of frustration, for that confusion and misapprehension causes dissension and alienation.
Agree to disagree
Dismay of light
Abandonment, neglect, regret
You know, you are right. Loving you is impossible because you don't love yourself.
You don't care about you, so why should someone else, why should I?
But I do, difficult not to.
There is a reason for this too, a reason for why you can't rid of me, and why I can't rid of you
Our souls hold onto what we refuse to grasp.
And we will never be able to acquire what is meant to be
Yes
No, yes
No, yes I do
I do
Yes I do really love you.
Will not never do.
But you don't want to.
I accept that, and will let it be, forever true.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Personal Victory
There is you then there's me
Crossfire conflicts between us
I see my destiny, ours
I am supplied with all necessities, only a few is needed to survive this war
My physical support is logged into a pint, a chemical attribute that can cure the ultimate wound
This medicine, a substance that can heal the dead skin that so prolongs to linger away from my tattered bodily form
A loaded piece of metal that breaks the commandment of free will, only to protect a life long willed to fight with, for, and against; you.
And a dehydrate that keeps me full of focus on what is needed to be accomplished
Not much, but I must have it because I am too weak and scared to fulfill this mission to get to you.
The path is so clear, I can see it through the smog of hate, sadness, despair, and confusion.. I see it… me..you…him with us…
It's there, as I scurry through this battle of lost souls,
Crawling, crouching, sprinting, ducking, running… I am so close I can smell the scent of your love intensifying the temperature of my body heat
It wraps me into a stage of denial
I spring up from the jerk of my body and mind clashing against one another in a chaotic formation
Eyes fluttering open, the taste of completion forces an upward smirk on my face.
As I silently prepare to celebrate the victory
I wake up, only to accept failure
Gaining a clear view, I see I'm right where I thought I was out of.
But I thought, I was done.
I rustle in panic through my sack and I still have all my wants, to finish this trial. A minor relief of disappointment exhales through my mouth.
I sigh, most distraughtly, because I am still here, even though my victory was present 30 seconds ago, it was wasn't it?
The pain of defeat overwhelmingly attacks my soul
Soon after my five senses start to reestablish their places in me, there embarks an overwhelming sensation of physical, mental, and verbal pain.
The wound of a piece of lead fights its way through my flesh
The fact that I'm still laying here, pisses me off, and puts me in a state of fright.
The yells and screams, and cries, and woes of my comrades and foes makes me sway my head from left to right in agony I stop only to look up into a crack of sun; I see endearment through the fog abhor.
I aligned my head with the ray of light peered my way, and examine it; behind the scars, dirt, and turmoil, tears of hope uplifts my body from the ground, looking behind me, a sculpted body of holiness gleams and overshadows the twilight of my agitation.
I manage to drag my almost limp, lifeless body behind a boulder protecting me from the open flames of hatred.
Peering through, I see you, I chuckle because the remembrance of your sweet soul overwhelms me with hunger.
You are far, but with Him guiding me, I have no fear or withdrawal from what is to come.
I see your smile from afar.. It's so beautiful, the reminisce of my body and your body connected sends an adrenaline rush, that quickens my pace, where at times I see this Holy Spirit linger behind me..
I ponder and pester my guide to hasten His movements to be equivalent to mine..
There is no acceptance in His translucent eyes of blessing.
I look deep into the eyes and immediately wrench (MY) body the opposite way pushing (MY)self with all (MY) might straggling not turning back..
Guilt and knowledge throws my body down as my previously wounded leg gives up and overflows with blood… I become LIGHTheaded as I land in the middle between you and HIM..
I slowly get up searching for you, but my vision blurs a hazy grey in your direction.
Full of remorse and regret I scan behind me facing Him.
There is a mirage of Him near me with no space in between us.
I take that stance as a given to continue, but I look further as the hallucination fades away.
He is still in that same spot with a twinkle of forgiveness enfolded on His countenance.
I drag myself back toward him, leaving behind the steps I felt were succeeded
I sigh, I cry, I vent, I am infuriated with the actions now taken aback
There are numerous times that I gape back at you, but the more I do it without Him the more polluted you appear.
I GIVE UP, heaving my body toward Him, fine I will follow His instructions, I'm done being unfeasible.
I sit in the middle of that same boulder and Him, between the crossfire back where I started.
The shrugs of my shoulders make me chuckle again on how my oblivion could've been avoided by his enlightenment.
He helps me up gently to where I feel no wound.
The setting in which I have been placed in fades clearly into a black and white portrait.
I now see each position that I need to take to get to the other side, to finally be with you, the way I feel it should be.
Was it that obvious, it was..
The selfishness implanted into my spirit blinded me from seeing what was in front all along.
As I began to strategize and plot out my attempt to reach my highly anticipated goal
I stop myself, and look at him receiving a look of vexation, which eliminates the blueprint of my final attempt
I grab the semitransparent hand, entangling in the comfort and solitude of His plan.
With that concluding grasp, He seizes my spirit to His and we are one.
I know the way now, His way.
By my acceptance HE conquers ME, and guides me a way around where it's himself within myself, just us.
The easiest route, and I see you clearly now, as you have always seen me but now we are not alone, and you are overjoyed with pleasure, so am I.
Crossfire conflicts between us
I see my destiny, ours
I am supplied with all necessities, only a few is needed to survive this war
My physical support is logged into a pint, a chemical attribute that can cure the ultimate wound
This medicine, a substance that can heal the dead skin that so prolongs to linger away from my tattered bodily form
A loaded piece of metal that breaks the commandment of free will, only to protect a life long willed to fight with, for, and against; you.
And a dehydrate that keeps me full of focus on what is needed to be accomplished
Not much, but I must have it because I am too weak and scared to fulfill this mission to get to you.
The path is so clear, I can see it through the smog of hate, sadness, despair, and confusion.. I see it… me..you…him with us…
It's there, as I scurry through this battle of lost souls,
Crawling, crouching, sprinting, ducking, running… I am so close I can smell the scent of your love intensifying the temperature of my body heat
It wraps me into a stage of denial
I spring up from the jerk of my body and mind clashing against one another in a chaotic formation
Eyes fluttering open, the taste of completion forces an upward smirk on my face.
As I silently prepare to celebrate the victory
I wake up, only to accept failure
Gaining a clear view, I see I'm right where I thought I was out of.
But I thought, I was done.
I rustle in panic through my sack and I still have all my wants, to finish this trial. A minor relief of disappointment exhales through my mouth.
I sigh, most distraughtly, because I am still here, even though my victory was present 30 seconds ago, it was wasn't it?
The pain of defeat overwhelmingly attacks my soul
Soon after my five senses start to reestablish their places in me, there embarks an overwhelming sensation of physical, mental, and verbal pain.
The wound of a piece of lead fights its way through my flesh
The fact that I'm still laying here, pisses me off, and puts me in a state of fright.
The yells and screams, and cries, and woes of my comrades and foes makes me sway my head from left to right in agony I stop only to look up into a crack of sun; I see endearment through the fog abhor.
I aligned my head with the ray of light peered my way, and examine it; behind the scars, dirt, and turmoil, tears of hope uplifts my body from the ground, looking behind me, a sculpted body of holiness gleams and overshadows the twilight of my agitation.
I manage to drag my almost limp, lifeless body behind a boulder protecting me from the open flames of hatred.
Peering through, I see you, I chuckle because the remembrance of your sweet soul overwhelms me with hunger.
You are far, but with Him guiding me, I have no fear or withdrawal from what is to come.
I see your smile from afar.. It's so beautiful, the reminisce of my body and your body connected sends an adrenaline rush, that quickens my pace, where at times I see this Holy Spirit linger behind me..
I ponder and pester my guide to hasten His movements to be equivalent to mine..
There is no acceptance in His translucent eyes of blessing.
I look deep into the eyes and immediately wrench (MY) body the opposite way pushing (MY)self with all (MY) might straggling not turning back..
Guilt and knowledge throws my body down as my previously wounded leg gives up and overflows with blood… I become LIGHTheaded as I land in the middle between you and HIM..
I slowly get up searching for you, but my vision blurs a hazy grey in your direction.
Full of remorse and regret I scan behind me facing Him.
There is a mirage of Him near me with no space in between us.
I take that stance as a given to continue, but I look further as the hallucination fades away.
He is still in that same spot with a twinkle of forgiveness enfolded on His countenance.
I drag myself back toward him, leaving behind the steps I felt were succeeded
I sigh, I cry, I vent, I am infuriated with the actions now taken aback
There are numerous times that I gape back at you, but the more I do it without Him the more polluted you appear.
I GIVE UP, heaving my body toward Him, fine I will follow His instructions, I'm done being unfeasible.
I sit in the middle of that same boulder and Him, between the crossfire back where I started.
The shrugs of my shoulders make me chuckle again on how my oblivion could've been avoided by his enlightenment.
He helps me up gently to where I feel no wound.
The setting in which I have been placed in fades clearly into a black and white portrait.
I now see each position that I need to take to get to the other side, to finally be with you, the way I feel it should be.
Was it that obvious, it was..
The selfishness implanted into my spirit blinded me from seeing what was in front all along.
As I began to strategize and plot out my attempt to reach my highly anticipated goal
I stop myself, and look at him receiving a look of vexation, which eliminates the blueprint of my final attempt
I grab the semitransparent hand, entangling in the comfort and solitude of His plan.
With that concluding grasp, He seizes my spirit to His and we are one.
I know the way now, His way.
By my acceptance HE conquers ME, and guides me a way around where it's himself within myself, just us.
The easiest route, and I see you clearly now, as you have always seen me but now we are not alone, and you are overjoyed with pleasure, so am I.
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